1. The minute you’re on sand or near water, you’re allowed to be half naked.
2. Drinking the milk of other species is pretty damn strange.
3. You are expected to grow a certain plant, in a certain way in front of your house. And if you do not take care of it/let it get unruly your neighbors will call the government on you. Who will force you to do it, or they will come do it themselves. This post is very anti-grass.
4. Adults can’t wear shoes with Velcro because “kids wear them!”
5. Weddings. We blow all our money on one day that often turns out to be stressful and exhausting.
6. We poop in clean water; and pay $2+ for a tiny bottle of water.
7. Kissing is kind of weird when you think about it.
8. Working 9-5 (five days a week). Why does everyone have to be at work at the same time? It just doesn’t make sense for all the cars to be on the road at the same time on purpose.
9. The fact we put flaming sticks of wax and string on top of a cake, symbolizing each year of a person’s life then have them blow them out has always struck me as weird, and a little morbid.
10. Men’s ties. It makes no sense! “Hey! How about we hang a tiny piece of cloth around our neck?”
11. Open casket funerals. We sew their eyes shut, glue their mouths shut, pump their body full of colored fluid, dress them up, and put make up on them?!
12. We clap when someone does something we like. ‘Oh, it took 25 years of training for you to sing that aria perfectly? Let me mash my hands back and forth in approval.’
13. The logo for Christianity is a torture device.
14. Male nipples are ok. Female nipples should be covered.
15. Cutting the foreskin off an infant male penis.
16. Saying “Bless you” after a sneeze. Why are we still doing this?
17. If I put my forearms on the table during dinner, everything is fine… If I put my elbows on the table for support everybody loses their shit.
18. Child beauty pageants.